Day 365: 1 Year

One year has passed. I can't believe it. His party was Sunday and today, it's quiet time to reflect I guess.

The past year has been the single most amazing journey I have ever been on. I have never been closer to life. Closer to the essence. I would imagine I was close when I went through my first year too but it takes a little distance to see the details sometimes. Observing Atom's launch truly gave me a perspective, I now understand, I had always lacked.

Each second, minute, hour, day, week, and month revealed magic. Never has a single breath carried such weight. Meeting my wife took my breath away, sure, but Atom brought it back. Does everyone feel this way? Did my parents? Are we now part of a larger club of people, let's call them Parents, that has witnessed life in all of it's power and glory and walked away with profound wisdom?

Hmmm. Profound wisdom is a hard hill to climb. Maybe I am getting a little ahead of myself. Profound wisdom probably arrives after the second year or third year. Although there was the one week after college graduation when I was positive I was shuck full of Wisdom…I guess for now I will be happy just knowing that indeed there is beautiful innocence kicking around in the world wrapped up in tiny little baby bundles.

In true year in review fashion I will now proceed with some of Atom's highlights for the year…

Birth
the first night being beyond exhaustion but to excited to sleep or let him out of our sight
how he had no eye brows, wrinkles, and that thing under your nose when he was born
going through 8-10 diapers a day
his first cry (wah, wah, wah)
no knowing how to adjust the straps on the car seat at the hospital so having to change his outfit so we could actually bring him home
operating on no sleep for the first three months
First smile
First laugh
First hug
first time his eyes followed me across the room
watching him watch Sharon
seeing his face explode with joy every time Sharon walks into the room
tummy time
his face eating his first food
his little teeth
making fart noises back and forth with him
holding him tight and signing john lennon's beautiful boy at 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 in the morning
his first crawl
two fingers in his mouth
the first time he "got" something and watching it bubble over his face
wondering if he has memorized every episode Law and Order
seeing him pull himself up
the way he points at everything
seeing him play with peanut
watching our families welcome him
realizing he understands his name for the first time
wondering if he thinks his name is actually Baby Atom
seeing his tiny hand doing the sign for milk even though he cant verbalize it
baby bejourning
sharing him with other people


and finally...watching the people my wife and I are becoming. It's hard to not want to be a better person around him. He deserves it and so do we. I guess we just never realized it until now.

Day 364: Almost One...

Day 350: Looking Who's (Almost) Talking

Did you hear that? I thought I heard something. It sounded like a tiny voice straining to be heard. Atom is not only biting at the bit to put his legs to work but has been performing new vocal exercises lately.

We can't say he is totally talking yet but somewhere between Monday and Tuesday this week it started to sound like his dangling participles stopped dangling. His outbursts found inner meaning. His conjunctions found their function. His one syllable remarks have grew exponentially.

Language is definitely taking shape. He now puts multiple noises together when pointing at things and there definitely seems to be meaning behind his primitive clauses.

Atom's progress made me think of a recent bit of useless knowledge I came across. Prarie Dogs recently were found to actually be capable of complex communications with each other. What sounds like merely a bunch of chrips and barks to us is actually a rich and layered structured language. We simply can't hear it (or understand it). Even if we could understand it, we don't have the tonal spectrum to even hear it. Could it be that way with babies? They start out with cries, grunts, coos, clicks, pops and snorts (seemingly rudimentary communication tools) and then dummy themselves down to the English language?

English has an incredible amount of inconsistencies and plain stupid rules when you think about it. The multiple meanings the word desert(depending on what syllable you put the accent on), the use of an apostrophe, and I'm also talking about you "who/whom".

The language has gotten so out of control that hardly anyone seems to even speak it correctly anymore. Sorry Mom, "ain't" is so accepted that my spell check didn't even blink when I just used it.

But I digress.

I can only assume this isn't going to be the last time my son and I have a hard time understanding each other. But I know, as is the case now, that no matter how confusing language gets at least I am confident we will always "get each other".

Day 340: Dexterity, Focus, and Heaving

For some time now Atom has taken it upon himself to clear off any and all surfaces he can reach. This behavior has led to many a game where we put blocks, cars, teethers, etc. onto the couch and watch in amusement while he earnestly grabs and tosses them to the floor. He does it with so much conviction and pride that it is hard not to share in his feeling of accomplishment with every hand puppet or fire truck that bounces off the floor. With pinpoint focus similar to the likes of Emanuel Lasker or Bobby Fisher, Atom momentarily blocks out his surroundings and goes in for the kill. FLING!

Fortunately he can only reach 12" or so off the ground by himself and, well, anything he grabs while being held or bjorned isn't totally his fault. A thin line has manifested between encouraging this epic feat of dexterity and morning over the occasional cookie, coaster, or ceramic dish that might be helped to an early death.

The thing that really astonishes me is that he never seems to tire of this activity. The "put-an-item-on-the-couch-and-watch-it-go-flying-to-the-ground" (aka P.A.I.O.T.C.A.W.I.G.F.T.T.G) game has never ended by parental desire. The game is only over when Atom decides to move on to something more pressing like the "don't-you-want-me-to-go-touch-that-outlet" (D.Y.W.M.T.G.T.T.O) game or if an urge to partake in C.Q.I.A.R.D* (any guesses?) overtakes him. In fact, it has become a go to time filler in our never ending quest to fill up the day with activities.

As he keeps evolving I wonder where this passion will lead...dexterity, focus, and heaving can only lead to something great in my opinion. Or at the very least, shorter acronyms. 

*crawl-quickly-in-a-random-direction

Day 336: Vitamin Water

For some reason Atom loves his vitamins. Water not so much. We have found a way to combine the two and no one is the wiser...for now.

Day 326: Christmas...It's a wrap

Day 315: Happy Holidays!

Day 310: Talking Baby

On a side note: Atom officially took his first two consecutive, while not completely falling on his face, steps this week. He vowed they wouldn't be his last.

Day 304: The Precious Art of the Tantrum

Atom is starting to show signs of Tantrums. It is the funniest thing to see mostly because he isn't very good at them and he doesn't seem to fully commit to them yet. He can easily get distracted mid-tantrum if something shiny, new, or within a 12 inch circumference catches his eye. In fact he has been known to launch into a fit (throw his head back, rocket his hands into the air, hit the rain machine) one moment and be laughing hysterically the next.

Where is he learning this behavior? Granted I can be grumpy at times, especially when I miss my programs, but I rarely ever show the flair for drama that he does. Tantrums must be deeply grained into our chemical makeup. That can be the only answer. A love for chocolate, an unhealthy dependency on Google Search, and tantrums appear to the Holy Trinity of our souls.

Right now the whole thing is very comical but once again I have flash backs to the pre-baby me where the site of a tantrum-ized kid at a mall drew very little sympathy from for the  parent. But that was the old me. The new me is wondering if we are ever going to be out at say a restaurant with Atom and if we are going to be those parents grasping at our last wits trying to convince that peas really DO taste good.

The new me also thinks if I see the old me (obviously in the form of some one else's "me") trying to avoid eye contact with me while Atom is doing the spaghetti man crying on the floor somewhere that I won't give them a second thought. I will be too busy trying to figure out how to convince Atom that big boys listen to their parents and all the while knowing this little secret...the joy of parenthood outshines any untimely public outbursts. And if he keeps this up he clearly has a date with a little gold statue at the Kodak Theatre down the road.

Day 295: Thanksgiving Monkey Business

Day 289: Clothes Schmothes

I have heard stories of and, on the rare occasion, seen the evidence of this strange aversion kids have to clothes. Even friends of ours have horror stories of their kids running around naked in public.

I just don't get it. The kid-less me of just over 9 months ago not only didn't get it but also probably thought there was something seriously wrong with any parents that couldn't keep their kid's clothes on. Have they no concept of public decency? Ah the kid-less me.

Atom isn't running around naked yet but he puts up an unbelievable fight when it comes to diaper/clothes changes. Such a fight that he is just seconds away from being too much even for both of us to wrangle him. It is scary. He twists and turns more than Linda Blair in The Exorcist.

I can only imagine this is just the beginning too. He doesn't quite have the capacity to undo our efforts yet but that time is not too far off. I imagine those sleepy eyed parents chasing after their own half dressed child probably started off where we are not too long ago. At least winter is upon us and even crazed babies wouldn't consider streaking in the snow...would they?

Day 281: O' Sleep, Where art thou?

Sleep is just a state of mind, right? It must be if not everyone needs the same amount. Atom apparently needs very little at this point. My wife and I unfortunately need more. And there never seems enough.

Is it a by-product of being deprived of the sweet Maui air? Or the lightly lapping Pacific waves? We may never know the cause but sleep has been very elusive for Atom the last two months. We have tried everything. Putting Atom to sleep later, earlier, over stuffed, well exercised, sleepy, wide awake, etc. We have shored up his schedule and tried to stick to it as much as possible but his sleep cycle is still inconsistent. Is he teething, admiring his new skills (standing, sitting), in the midst of a growth spurt, what? As of now it is hard to tell but what we do know is that we may never know why he is sleeping so unevenly.

We will continue trying as much as we can to get him back inline with what his body needs. But in the meantime even during the wee hours of the night, when we are straining to keep our eyes open, strolling him around the house or rocking him in a chair we will continue to wonder what his thinking, try to soothe him and hope he finds some sweet dreams soon.

New tricks: Momentarily standing without support, mimicry (will angry face back at us if we do it to him, will stick his tongue out back at us when we do it to him), another new round of peek-a-boo where he pulls the towel in front of his own face

Day 274: Making a Point

Point. Point. Point. What is the point? It is not always clear.

Sometimes Atom uses this index finger to probe uncharted territory such as a new toy, a new zipper, an old face, the carpet, or peanut's head. This E.T.-like appendage acts like a scout on a recognizance mission and will leave no object poked, prodded, or unturned. Please Note When carrying Atom: Even though sometimes he moves at the speed of sloth, DO NOT underestimate the tenacity or dexterity within this finger. Poked eyes are a daily occurrence for his parents.

Sometimes his index finger becomes more like one of those reaching sticks one uses to extend their reach. I don't mean one of those metal pincher types you would find at the pharmacy but more like one of the toy ones that might have a shark or dinosaur or alligator head at the end. The pincher type usually is a by product of the souvenir shop you were dragged into (Sea World = Shark or Killer Whale, San Diego Zoo = Dolphin or Shark, Bird Sanctuary = Toucan or Shark). Sharks for some reason have become the universal symbol of pinching something to pick it up. Poor Sharks. Atom uses this toy-plastic-shark-head-like-finger to grab things and usually has the same amount of success that one has using one of the real thing.

In his most human-like movement, sometimes, he actually uses his finger to point at things or people. Even though he is seemingly communicating much the same way as a more highly developed human being (such as a traffic cop, the guys on the ground while your plane is coming into or out of it's gate, or a symphony conductor) this gesture is often the hardest to understand. His tiny little pudgy finger sometimes seems to have a mind of it's own. He may point at you when you enter the room or he may point inside his mouth. Neither of which might mean what they appear to mean. He has his own logic and we're cool with that.

The poking in the eye is another issue.

Day 266: His First Halloween

Atom's first Halloween! Atom was so excited. He tried his costume on four or five times before feeling completely comfortable with it. He went as a pumpkin of course even though he was a little concerned he might look a little to Kool-Aid man-ish but he pulled it off in the end. Besides no one has seen the Kool-Aid man since he crashed through the wrong wall one too many times.

Atom knew this was his first major holiday, outside the womb, and he wanted everything to go just right. He adjusted and re-adjusted his pumpkin top hat. He made sure all of the candy was in the bowl and that it was placed just right by the front door. Atom even added a few new strategically placed decorations to show that he was fully embracing the holiday but with his own sense of style.

The day went flawlessly. A day full of a short lived attempt at a nap, one seriously upside down smile, and two very huge smiles on his parents face.

Day 260: Introducing Atom -- Chicago Style -- A few more favorite moments...

Day 260: Introducing Atom -- Chicago Style

We just got back from Chicago a few days ago. Atom finally got to meet the rest of his family. It was incredibly touching to see him interacting with everyone. Here's a few of my favorite moments out of a plethora of favorite moments.

Day 260: Posturing

Atom has perfect posture. All babies his age seems too. It is a pretty amazing thing to see. His balance is comparable to an elephant on a tight rope. His body is typically jerking in all different directions. It is only a matter of time before he falls flat on his face. But amongst all of his uncertainty, he maintains perfect posture.

I wonder if poor posture is something that just naturally over takes people over time. The weight of life slowly and methodically takes our shoulders and guides them forward. It is a rare thing to see a very old person with perfect posture. Why is that? Medical issues aside...is it because they spent too many hours agonizing about the mortgage, worrying about their calorie intake, or wondering if they are a good person?

I like to believe babies have perfect posture because they haven't yet discovered worrying. Life for a baby is open and full of possibilities. Every time I see Atom sitting (and it is rare to see him on the floor not sitting these days) with perfect posture deep inside I hope worry doesn't exist yet for him and I hope it never will.

Day 252: Sleepless in Jersey

The days of 80 degrees and nights of 70 are long gone and so it seems are Atom's sleeping habits. He has never been one for ultra consistent sleep habits but some where over the deep blue Pacific Atom's sleep switch shorted out. 

He started out like many babies and had a rough first three or so months of life. Sleep, eat, poop then repeat. All day and ALL NIGHT. Around 4 months he took mercy on us and started sleeping through the night. No consistent nap cycle during the day, he liked to keep it fluid in case something cool was happening, but 8 or 9 hours at night became the norm. We were elated. We were suddenly refreshed. We were cocky.

We knew the nap thing was in need of repair but at least a full nights sleep meant we could probably eventually out smart him with our faculties refreshed nightly. So we planned and planned and planned again about how we were going to now tackle this nap issue. I mean we had conquered the night sleeping thing, right? In fact what was the rush? "Let's celebrate our anniversary in Maui and then knock napping out of the park!"

Atom slept and slept on the flights to and fro from the 808 state in some kind of Lasker Trap that was clearly over our heads because we bought it.

Now we would give anything for 6 hours of uninterrupted nocturnal bliss. Atom has lost that sleeping feeling and seems almost worst when it comes to naps. Maybe the fun in the sun was too much for him to process. Who knows? Maybe our trip to Chicago will flip the sleep switch back. Isn't that part of the parenting wisdom? When in doubt pray for a miracle and then take the credit?

• this post is from last week, it just never got posted due to lack of sleep.

Day 242: To Maui and Back!

We're back. Roughly 12,000 miles of air travel, a long last visit with Jill, 40 diapers, 2 little swimmers, a rented car seat, a rented pack and play, one checked bag, 4 carry-on bags, 3 jars of baby food (lots of breast feeding), the road to Hana, a botanical garden, an angry face, a goodbye wave, sitting from a crawl, standing up with aid, Lahaina, sunset feedings, babysitting by Nanna, rainbow mornings and too many smiles to count.

Day 232: Collaboration sprinkled with anticipation

Atom actually helped his Mom during one of his feedings this week. Powerful synapse fired in his brain setting off multiple thought processes, muscle contractions and super human determination ending with a grand result...a wide open mouth at the appropriate time. Sublime.

Now you may be thinking "Big deal. I open and close my mouth everyday." This may not be a big deal to you Mr. Big Shot but for Atom it was monumental.

Even though Atom is becoming smarter everyday he doesn't always used his new found brilliance for good. In fact he seems to be channeling it into creative endeavors and in-animate object impressions. Even though we encourage him and want his imagination to blossom, there is a time and place for everything.

Say, we might think it is a good idea for him to get into his car seat so we can go somewhere, well, he has decided his car seat is the perfect stage to work on his impression of a stiff board. Say, we think it would be a good idea to change his dirty stinky diaper, well, he usually decides laying like a board on his stomach is much more interesting.  Say, we think his high chair would be a good spot to eat, well, again Atom has decided that his chair is the perfect spot for practicing aforementioned board impression. (I have to admit he really does do a good board. Make sure to check out his show next time your in town.)

Every day it is board here, board there, board upside down. So you can imagine our delight when, after a long performance of board sticking out of a high chair, he quietly ate with his mommy. Opening and closing his mouth without coaxing and at the appropriate times.

Maybe he was just giving us a false sense of security before his next performance of crying board sticking out of a stroller but for that brief moment it sure did feel like we might have tamed this strange creature that is Atom.