Day 173: Magnificent Milestone

Atom will be six months old on Sunday. Six months...hard to believe. Six months of breathing, blinking, burping, bubbling, babbling, bewilderment, and belief (the last three were my wife and I).
I thought in honor of this magnificent milestone I would summarize a few of the things we have learned so far. Don't worry this isn't like a sitcom where they need mid-season filler so they just paste old re-runs together. I hate that. And I hate that those episodes never die either. They should not be a part of the series syndication either. Oh man don't get me started! I talking about you Seinfeld!

I hope I can shine a new light or at least a brighter one now that my wife and I have mastered parenthood. After six months on the job we have obviously learned all there is to know.

Here's what we know (at least when it comes to Atom)…

• Your body can run on even less sleep than you know. You know that record you set way back in college during finals? You dug deep down inside and crammed for that Acting for Non-Theater Majors final? That all-nighter? Well kiss that record good-bye. Infants will take you to all new levels of exhaustion that don't seem possible but are infinitely worth it.
• Take everything that isn't nailed down at the hospital. Blankets, hats, vaseline, whatever you can get your hands on because it will come in handy later.
• The cheaper diapers work just as good/better than the expensive ones. Go cheap if you find one that works.
• You can never take too many pictures.
• All babies are "good" babies. When you are wearing baby goggles your own baby can do no wrong. Just remember not everyone owns goggles.
• Bodily Fluids Flow Freely. The will flow and flow and flow. Our washing machine has almost run non-stop since the beginning. Be prepared.
• If you have a boy, use a wash cloth to cover the privates during diaper changes. (see Bodily Fluid Flow Freely above)
• Babies "bounce" better than you do. Babies are tough and flexible. You are probably not. Comfortably position yourself BEFORE you hold the baby, feed the baby, or carry the baby.
• Take turns watching the baby. Everyone loves the baby and cherishes every moment with him but even Jesus needed a day to recoup.
• The unexpected is just that.
• Prepare to talk to everyone about your child. You will find yourself working him into the oddest conversations uncontrollably.

Person 1: "Pauly D grabs like 40 gallons of gel and is like WHAM!"
Person 2: "The show is like a social experiment."
ME: "Speaking of experiments you should have seen Atom's diaper this morning."

• Laughter. It is sometimes your only weapon against a tired baby.
• Singing anything to Atom can help navigate to a happy place. Even if you don't know the words. Just make them up. Babies don't know the difference.
• Swaddling isn't for everyone.

Above anything else…enjoy your baby. Enjoy the looks on other people's faces when they see him. Enjoy his bizarre noises that dismantle the din surrounding you. Enjoy the moment when he hates lying on his stomach. Enjoy the moment when he hates lying on his back. Enjoy the moment when he finds his hands, his feet, and his voice. Enjoy the wonderment in his eyes at trees, cars, and ceiling fans. Enjoy the feeling that overcomes you at seeing him, hearing him, and holding him. Enjoy your renewed belief in all that is right with the world…and enjoy it while it lasts because the teenage years are quickly approaching.

Day 165: Duuuun Dun, Duuun dun, DuunDun

We have been pleasantly surprised time and time again by seemingly the most mundane occurrences. The shear act of Atom bringing his hands together to grab a toy in front of his face elicits a rapture of riotous approval. Amazement washes over us every time he recognizes one of us and purposely rolls over (like a drunken Otter) towards us. Even watching Atom wake up in the morning is a stupendous sight to be seen. But the thing that happened this week is more monumental than all the rest. He had a First. His First Tooth is tunneling towards the surface!

I can admit now, looking back, that the idea of First is new to me. Even armed with an English degree and an extreme comfort level digesting dialog I now know I never understood this simple concept. And when I say "concept" I mean just that. Of course I understood the base level meaning of First (being before all others with respect to time, order, rank, importance, etc.) but I guess all those Gertrude Stein classes never really stuck because I realize I have taken the meaning for granted.

First is so much more than just coming before others in something, it is also and more importantly the BEGINNING of something. I must have known this at some point but years of sports/society teaching me that being First always came at the expense/lack of achievement of others buried it deep down in the dark regions of my memory (probably under my 6 years of Spanish and the location of that cool Scally Cap I briefly owned).

In this case Atom is not the First person to have a tooth. He is not the first baby to have a tooth either. He's not even the smallest being in our household with a tooth (it is a toss up between Peanut and possibly whatever bit Sharon when she was sleeping two days ago). But Atom's tooth represents the BEGINNING of something special that is happening.

The BEGINNING of eating solid food. The BEGINNING of self defense. The BEGINNING of proper diction. The BEGINNING of a classic smile. The BEGINNING of crème de la crème whistling. The BEGINNING of tooth aches and potential orthodontia. The BEGINNING of his.... independence. (Sigh)

DAY 158: Shine a Light

One of the most powerful moments in my life so far has come seemingly out of one of the most mundane actions. A meaningless action that I have done millions of times before from coast to coast without ever really thinking much of it.

I am talking about walking in the door after a long day of work. In the past, my wife was the single bright light that guided me home. I only needed to spot her light dancing across the landscape of my mind and auto pilot engaged. No matter how cluttered my mind got with shadows of doubt or (in)decision from the day her light was a constant warm ray providing calm clarity.

I know what you are thinking and no her light has never been brighter. But this is a blog about Atom so...there is an additional light now that illuminates the crevasses and quagmires of my cranium: Atom's Light. A light that is so new, so fragile, and so powerful it can't be ignored.

I see this light most clearly on those occasions where I walk in the door Zombie-like and his gaze pierces the numbness brought on by the day. His eyes usually sparkle first and then white light bursts from his mouth in the form of laughter or a sly smile.  Suddenly the world around me fills with color. Everything outside our little trinity melts away into a brief oblivion and all is right. (My wife's light is there too and combines with Atom's to produce this brilliant aurora borealis like effect that envelops us all.)

It sounds like a melodramatic scene out of Fantasia (the only thing we are missing is Mickey in his wizard outfit) but it does happen. Poof! I am healed. The tourists walking slow in front of me in Times Square, the pedestrians positioning themselves in front of me at every intersection and the long long trek home seem small compared to this antidote(l) action. I guess it just goes to show you never know what amazing things may be revealed by simply opening a door.

I can't imagine what is going to happen when Atom eventually perfects his army crawl or drunken baby walk. All kids run to meet their parents when they walk in the door, right? Or I am again having Disney flashbacks? Don't worry if I see a dancing Whale in our front yard I will immediately seek medical attention (right after I take a moment to enjoy the show because we all know they dnever last long enough).

Day 152: Atom vs. The Speedboat

Lately Sharon and I have felt like we were sitting front row at a Gallagher Show. Only we haven't donned raincoats and the show is actually good. Atom has incorporated a new bit into his act. Not only does he seem to be able to blow endless bubbles in various sizes out of thin air but now he likes to impersonate a Speedboat.


No he has never seen a speedboat to the best of our knowledge but his impression is spot on. He even captures the subtle nuances of someone shifting gears and applying various levels of pressure to the throttle.


His performance usually starts off somewhat slow. He closes his lips tight and proceeds to make minor fart noises. If his audience appears to be into it (and we always are) he really lets loose. Lips vibrating, saliva sporadically spraying, and a steely stare embody his persona. It is truly a sight to be seen.


I think for me one of the best things about these impromptu jam sessions is Atom's underlying collaborative nature really shines through. No ego. No formality. No judgement.


In fact, he and I engaged in a 45 minute saliva sing-a-long without giving it a second thought over the weekend. He started with a steady bass line "Thurrrrp, Thurrrrp, Thurrrp" and I quickly jumped in with some hellacious harmonic lines of "Thruuub, Thruuuub, Thruub". We lost ourselves to the moment and didn't re-surface until my lips were numb and a drool pool had formed at my feet.


For me...the recital was epic and even though afterwards Atom instantly moved on to a staring contest with the ceiling fan above my head, I think for a brief moment we both knew something sublime had just been created.


I felt like a young jazz musician in New York after WWII who just happened to wander into Minton's Playhouse. If only Dizzy had a chance to jam with Atom...Jazz may have become the next sliced bread.

Day 147: Atom the Terrific Tetramand

Can I get an "Amen!"

The darkness that had descended upon our house, gave Atom his mega cold and (what I believe) caused our 100+ foot Ash tree to fall seems has lifted.

Atom is on the road to recovery. He flips into Tummy time with ease, periodically jettisons all excess fluids, and is ready for a bender of belly laughs whenever some else is game. He still seems to have some tenacious toxins loitering around but their time will come soon.

To celebrate his recovery Atom has decided to put his feet directly into his mouth whenever his hands aren't occupying said space. His freakishly strong legs and toes have become more and more active over the last month or so. He loves to not only kick things but to grab and cradle things in an octopus-like manner. I think his legs are actually developing into their own independent entities. They seem to always be working and it isn't clear if he has control over them or they over him.

Much like Dr. Otto Gunther Octavius Atom can be feverishly working over his froggy toy with his left hand, mouth wrist deep with is right, his left foot shaming Pele with powerful soccer kicks to his Toucan toy, all the while doing what appears to be simple math with his right. It is truly an amazing sight.

Atom is well underway to being some kind of Octo-person who isn't limited to primarily only using his arms/hands for everyday activities. In fact this morning while his arms were busy punching me in the throat and poking at my eyes he calmly popped his right big toe into his mouth for a little soothing.

Clearly we are witnessing the next step in human evolution. Say good-bye to foot coverings and hello to actual Tetramands!